Watching

Aesthetic pleasure derives from the idealization of the object of desire.
The question is whether I want to keep this distance in order not to lose my illusions.

Am I capable of being close to anybody? What part in me is watching, what part of me is idealizing?

It is like going back to the show after the half-time break. You draw a last time at your cigarette. You watch your breath form clouds in the cold winter air. You contemplate. You remember. You enter the room, the music sets in and you feel the comfortable warmth touching your skin, the pleasure of being inside, which derives from knowing the cold and stingy fresh air in the alleyway. You walk the corridor, enter the hall and see the stage. Welcome home.

Feelings can creep up on you. Without you even noticing.
I knew that ... but did she?